capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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