So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
