in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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