hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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