Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
