I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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