i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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