i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
