I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
