I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
