Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this is an emotional support booty call
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
