Don't you send me to vm
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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