i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize