You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
