I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
