I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you never un-have a 4some
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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