You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
