How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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