U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
