ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
too bad you live with your parents still
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
