guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
