I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
