FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
