Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
