I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
