i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
