he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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