at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
