I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
