I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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