So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
there is glitter all over my balls
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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