My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i would punch a child for taco bell
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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