Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
