just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
