I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
