I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
