I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
