my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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