i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
