i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
