I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
