stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
