I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize