whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
