You smell like a Billy Joel song
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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