so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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