jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
