if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
