It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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