oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
