the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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