I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
