I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
