I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
