i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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