I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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