my sisters under your porch take her home
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
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