i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
