Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
