and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
