you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
