And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
