the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
