whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize